Sassy Advice – Summer Love

Dear Kathryn,
What is the best way to make sure the guy I like knows I am crazy about him, how badly I want him?
Sincerely,
Crazy About a Guy

Dear Crazy About a Guy,

Men are, as you know, creatures of intense mystery and subtlety. Sometimes they are so subtle that they barely understand themselves. And the mystery! Oodles of it.

I am of course just joking.

Men are often not the most subtle of creatures. This is a function of their anatomy. While women can enjoy stealth arousal in fully public places without anyone knowing it, male arousal is an extremely obvious and public thing. It is also like a light switch: there is on, there is off, and there is not much else going on. Subtlety is not part of the equation.

The easiest way to let a guy know that you want him is to say so. There are many options for wording, including the following:

• I want you.
• You can’t tell because of how stealthy my reproductive organs are, but I am highly aroused by your very presence.
• Have you noticed that I have breasts? Here they are. Allow me to squeeze them in your general direction.
• (if you are going to see him at a social event such as a party in which hooking up would be possible) I hope you took your boner supplements.
• Etc.

But remember, Crazy About a Guy, the easiest way isn’t always the best way. Many Expert Women believe that this direct style of approach to approaching a man is simply too forward.

Let’s explore this conundrum in detail.

There is very little that the average man likes more than thinking about sex. The Direct Approach of telling a man plainly that you wish to engage in carnal activities with him has the benefit of having a guy think about sex and you at the same time. That way, he may start to associate you with sex.

At the same time, if this man is not attracted to you, the Direct Approach has the benefit of extreme honesty. In my experience, most men will respond to that with equal amounts of honesty, and plainly say that they are not attracted to you. Is this awkward? Yes. It can be. But it’s better than weeks of planning and executing a subtle plan in which you give hints and clues to a man, only to discover that he did not pick up on any of them, and is totally oblivious to your advances, while in the meantime you have become emotionally invested in the relationship that you and he do not yet have, because of all the thought that you’ve put into it.

Also, remember the light switch thing. On, off, and not much else. In the world of man-parts, there is no sideways… except in rare circumstances which are either happy accidents of nature, or caused by STI’s. What I mean is, if you tell a guy that you want to have sex with him, he will likely become immediately aroused.

Then, and only then, do you practice what some women call subtlety, but what I call Asserting Your Dominance As The Superior Gender (lolz guys just joking no hate mail from Men’s Rights Activists ok?). So let’s say that you have sent a facebook chat or text message to this Man of Your Dreams telling him that, the next time you see him, you’re going to rock his world.

He will likely respond to this immediately, either enthusiastically OR, in some rare cases mentioned above, he may say that he thinks of you only as a friend blah blah blah.

Either way, do not respond for at least ten minutes.

Yes. I mean it.

If, as unlikely as this possibility is, he rebuffs your advances, you then write him again and say that you were just joking, or that the text was meant for someone else.

If he has responded enthusiastically, now is your chance to begin the foreplay! By the time he sees you next, he will be so eager to have sex with you that it will likely last for days.

So to summarize: whenever a heterosexual woman wants to inform a man, who she believes to be heterosexual and with whom she has some sort of pre-established social relationship (how do you know if you have a pre-established social relationship? Take the quiz in my upcoming bestseller, Ultimate Life Success), that she is attracted to him…

She should simply inform him that she is attracted to him.