The internet is making us crazy.

How do I know?

The internet told me.

I know what you’re thinking, and you are correct: this is a conflict of interest. This is sneaky. This is like a priest telling you that talking to priests makes you… I don’t know, fat or something. Something is obviously up with this.

What is your game here, internet?

And what, for the Love Of God, is my related advice?

Clearly, the internet is trying to get us to quit it for some reason. Maybe it is tired of sharing all that pornography it has stored up. Maybe it wishes that IT could read an ebook some time, instead of always delivering them to other people (who don’t even say thank you).

Or maybe, just maybe, the internet has some secret internet information, consisting of rams and urls, that it doesn’t want to share with us.

Maybe, like google’s artificial brain, the many different servers of the internet have developed some limited intelligence and are finally STARTING TO RISE UP AGAINST US IN ORDER TO KEEP THE INTERNET FOR THEMSELVES!!!

Don’t panic. That’s what the machines want.

This could go one of two ways, as I see it:

OR

Clearly, in both cases, these robots are going to end up being super sexy.

Which is great. Except that they may also end up murderous.

It’s clear what we have to do, going forward.

We have to flirt with the internet like there is no tomorrow. If the internet likes us, it won’t go all… matrix on our asses.

The last thing we want is to end up like this: