STRANGELY CALM BRITISH MAN:
“These are the Dragons. The multimillionaire investors on their way to the den. There tonight they will make or break the dreams of dozens of budding entrepreneurs and inventors”
(Several people in snappy suits walk down an oddly dark and scary looking alley. Could these really be ACTUAL dragons?)
CUT TO: Woman with blond hair saying “You don’t have a business plan AT ALL”. Another woman with almost identical hair looks sad.
CUT TO: Man with executive style hair saying “You need to close this down, Fast.” Man with similar looking hair wipes sweat from his forehead, and looks like he may cry.
(Is he wiping sweat from his forehead because of the Odd Atmosphere Lighting, which is sure to be pretty warm? Or is it perhaps because these are ACTUAL DRAGONS?!)
Cut to: Some guy who says something with such a thick accent that I cant understand it. A guy with (you guessed it!) similar hair, and sweat DRIPPING down his face, nods in agreement.
He is possibly thinking; “Just nod, that way he won’t eat me”
Cut to: more shots of these people walking.
Strangely Calm British Man then explains how much each of them are worth, and why.
Now, I will ignore the following, very well researched article by George Monbiot (http://www.monbiot.com/2011/11/07/the-self-attribution-fallacy/) and pretend that these people are GENUINELY superhuman, as attested by the fact that they earn a lot of money.
Which is why, the first entrepreneur to walk into the Odd Atmosphere Lighting for intense, dehumanizing scrutiny at the hands of these superhuman individuals, is…
Calm British Man: “… But tonight, will ANYONE PERSUADE THEM TO INVEST???”
Kathryn is seen walking up a flight of rickety looking stairs, holding a copy of Wild Land. Her assistant, aka Mom (hi mom!), follows, holding a poster board. They arrive in the atmospherically lit “den”, and Mom sets the poster board on a poster stand. On it is a picture of Kathryn, smiling, bathing in a tub full of money. The Dragons glare. One of them sips his water Threateningly.
Kathryn (whispering): “It’s ok, mom, I’ve got this.”
(Clears throat and addresses ‘Dragons’) “Hey, Sup. Are you guys really dragons?”
Dragons continue to glare and sip water.
Kathryn: “Alrighty. Well, as you can see, this is my book, Wild Land. It’s got robots, accidental time travel, shamanism, sex, and long-lost love triangles. Plus, it’s got a kick-ass female protagonist, and addresses some pretty important issues about human ecology, like how culture affects our relationship to the land community around us.”
One of the Dragons glares so hard that his forehead bursts into the flames. He douses the flames menacingly with his water cup.
Kathryn: “This photo here shows me enjoying the fruits of my metaphorical labour. Notice that I’m not wearing a swimming suit.”
Cut to shot of the only lady dragon nodding in silent, but profound, approval.
Kathryn: “I propose that you each buy my book, and if you like it, you give it to people you know for Christmas, or their birthday.
Are there any questions?”
Cut to shot of only lady dragon scratching her nose, but looking slightly aroused.
British announcer guy: “It’s clear that at least one of the dragons is interested. But Kathryn will need at least one of them to read her book in order for them all to realize how great it is. Otherwise, she’ll leave here with NOTHING.”
Kathryn: “Did I mention that it has robots?”
Dragons (in unison) “I’LL TAKE IT!”