Eating right can be hard.

But, unlike other hard things (like math) that you can simply choose to avoid for the rest of your life, the consequences of not eating right involve death, or if you’re REALLY unlucky, ugliness.

To avoid death and / or ugliness, let’s take a look at how YOU can tackle the unrelentingly vicious, shape-shifting beast known as ‘eating right’. You can try eating more food products, and fewer industrial waste / bi-products, for a start.

“But Kathryn,” you’re likely thinking, “I handle difficulties through a complex system of avoidance and denial. Can’t I just pretend that nothing is wrong and avoid evidence to the contrary?”

The short answer is no. No you can’t. Death and Ugliness, reader. Sort of a big deal.

However, we CAN twist your natural inclinations towards avoidance and denial into a tool for eating right.

From now on, simply AVOID the following foods, and DENY any cravings you have for them. It’s easy!

1. Processed Foods
Imagine walking into the grocery store. Now imagine looking at many of the items marketed as food. How can you tell if they are actually food?
If they have been “processed” it is likely that they are more industrial bi-product than food, per se.
In the last decade, nearly 1 million* ‘new food items’ have been invented to help make industrial bi-products more profitable. These are labeled as ‘processed’ foods, ie, ‘not really’ foods, or to put it another way, ‘marginally food with lots of things added’.
If it isn’t plain old meat, or plain old plants, it has been processed. Therefore, avoid it!

2.  Many Plants and Plant Products
If you think that you can simply eat plants and therefore be eating right, you are in for a BIG SURPRISE. ¬†First of all, don’t expect that going out into your yard and munching on a spruce tree will bring you vigour and longevity. That is just insanity.
Let’s go back to the grocery store. Many of the plant products there, like good old apples, have been genetically modified beyond your wildest dreams (if you dream of genetically modifying apples, that is) and covered in a variety of poisons.
Avoid those.

3. Many Meats.
Similarly, eating meat all the time won’t result in lithe muscles and a dazzling smile. Oh no. Unless you are eating whale meat right from the whale, expect to avoid several pitfalls when choosing what meat to eat.
Most meat cows are fed corn, despite it causing them to have less delicious, less healthy meat, and often develop e coli infections. They are meant to eat grass. This would be like feeding caviar to crickets. Except that caviar is extremely expensive, and corn is cheap, which is why it is fed to meat cows.
This year, the price of corn shot up, causing many meat cow farmers to instead feed their cows…
Candy. Not just any candy – factory reject candy.**
These cows are also pumped full of various chemicals known to cause various diseases in humans. So avoid that.

“Kathryn,” you are likely whimpering, “What does that leave?”

Well, let me just say that after a few days of ‘eating right’, that spruce tree is going to start looking MIGHTY delicious.

*I made this number up. There is an actual statistic somewhere, but I am in no mood to find it.
**This is actually true.